


Going Through A Tight Wind

by A_M_Kelley



Category: Bandom, Punk Rock RPF, The Ramones
Genre: 1970s, Bittersweet, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Existential Angst, Gen, Johnny being Johnny, Johnny cares in his own stubborn way, Love/Hate, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad and Beautiful, Strained Friendships, Tension, what did you expect?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_M_Kelley/pseuds/A_M_Kelley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny loves The Ramones and Joey is a part of that... Whether he likes it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Through A Tight Wind

It was just after a show and the tension between them all could be cut with a knife, they were so wound up. Dee Dee was most likely off somewhere scoring his fix for the night, possibly going down to 53rd and 3rd like he had so often. Tommy said he was going home and that he'd catch them later but it was clear to Joey that this was an indefinite goodbye.

Tommy wasn't the first one to consider leaving. At one time all of them wanted to leave the band for their own reasons, which were numerous, but hung on because it was all they really had in life. The Ramones meant too much to them. Joey was furious at Tommy simply because he was the only "normal" one, so to speak, and now he was contemplating leaving him alone with Dee Dee and Johnny.

You couldn't have picked three more polar opposites to salvage what they could from a sinking ship. Then again, it had been Dee Dee, Johnny, and Joey's fault for driving Tommy away. They had all dug their own graves. Joey could have talked and acknowledged Tommy more and Dee Dee could've been less contemptuous, but Johnny also didn't have to been the main antagonizer.

Speaking of which, Joey had no clue where Johnny had wandered off to. It wasn't the first time Johnny stormed off without a word, and it wouldn't be the last, but his guitar was still here just off to stage left. Maybe he forgot it in his hast to evade his band mates? The case wasn't around and Joey looked down at it with a skeptical eye, trying to decide whether or not he should return it to it's owner.

Joey can easily leave it sitting there for someone else to come by and steal it just to wind Johnny up for tormenting him all the time, but then how would he play? Did it even matter? Tommy was leaving and they wouldn't be able to perform without a drummer anyway. Still, Joey couldn't bring himself to be so cruel towards Johnny even if the other would do so without so much as a blink.

They stood apart on many things, if not all, but there was a tiny sliver of respect for each other still intact and Joey didn't want to shattered it by being careless. He bent down to collect the guitar with his awkward limbs and set out to find the person it belonged to.

Joey opens up the door for the back entrance and just as he's preparing himself for a long and arduous trek in search of Johnny he stumbles into the guitarist, dropping the guitar out of surprise as it slips free from his grasp. Joey watches it hit the filthy ground of the back alley and his heart drops, his brain registering the cause and effect of the situation as it unravels before him.

"What the--" Johnny begins to exclaim as he recognizes his guitar being dropped carelessly to the unforgiving ground. He shoots a glare up at Joey from under his bangs and goes to snatch up his guitar. "Walk much, sasquatch?"

"I'm sorry," Joey says meekly, frowning at the turn of events and berating himself more for being so clumsy. "I was just trying to return it before someone took it..."

"You can't do anything right, can you?" Johnny remarks with a scowl, looking his guitar over for any major damage but the lack of light isn't reliable.

Johnny has successfully hurt Joey's feelings once again and while Joey should be used it by now it still hurts as if it's the first. As much as Joey wants to hate Johnny he can't. Joey realizes it's not all Johnny's fault for turning out the way he is. Johnny's father is much to blame because of the way he raised him. Joey guesses it all really comes down to that old argument: nature vs. nurture.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Joey asks after Johnny frantically checks over his guitar.

It was a question Joey had been itching to ask for almost four years now but he'd always been too afraid to confront Johnny. Joey never really liked arguing, especially with someone who treated it like an art as Johnny did, but he didn't like staying silent either. He was almost certain the guitarist hated his guts, so all things considered Joey really had nothing to lose as far as he was concerned.

Johnny looks up at Joey who is shrouded in darkness, hair, glasses, and grief and it almost makes Johnny's heart ache. Almost. He's still pretty pissed off about his guitar and the existence of Joey, but the question honestly catches him off guard. Joey hardly ever talks and when he does it's never anything profound that questions how other people feel about him.

But what gets Johnny the most is how sure Joey phrases it, like he knows it deep in his bones but wants to understand the reason behind it. Maybe Joey even knows why but just wants to hear Johnny say it to clear the polluted air between them. Johnny can't understand how that would make things any different or better than before, though.

"I don't hate you," Johnny scoffs indignantly, grasping the neck of his guitar and putting it to his side. "I just don't like you."

"What's the difference?" Joey asks, frowning even more. He ditches that question altogether and crosses his long arms across his chest. "What have I ever done to you?"

"I don't like the way you are," Johnny tells him flatly, straight-faced as ever. Johnny never had any pretenses for sugar coating his views no matter what. You ask him a question and he'll give you an answer.

"The way I am?"

"You're too compulsive and weak and you have no self-discipline to speak of. Not to mention all that hippie crap you're always going on about," Johnny begins, going on one of his tirades. He blows up like he's been keeping it in for so long that he hardly breathes as he talks at the speed of light. "No one ever knows how you're feeling because you never talk and then you wonder why we shun you. Stop being such a baby and grow up."

"You're so cruel..." Joey breathes out, lips quivering with hurt and he thinks he might actually cry this time. "All I ever wanted was to be your friend..."

"Why can't you be different?" Johnny inquires as if he's accusing Joey for all his problems, shaking his head. Johnny sighs and turns to walk away to leave so he can mend his guitar but the shaky timbre of Joey's meek and insecure voice stops him.

"I don't know how to be anyone but myself," Joey murmurs forlornly like he hates the way he is just as much as Johnny does. "I can't be chatty like Dee Dee, I can't be mature like Tommy, and I can't be conservative like you. Why don't you stop trying to convert people to see your way and just accept them for who they are."

Johnny stood there in awe for a moment with his back turned to Joey, trying to process what was happening. Joey was standing up for himself for once and telling Johnny how it is without an ounce of confidence but a bundle of determination. Joey was sick of taking Johnny's taunts and criticism and no longer cared about the consequences.

It was the first time in a long time that Johnny actually felt terrible for his actions. Johnny never cared much about hurting people's feelings, he didn't exist solely to please everyone, but Joey was a huge part of The Ramones. Johnny cared about The Ramones more than anything and because of that he had to care about Joey as well.

"I'm sorry, Joey," Johnny grates out between his clenched jaw, feeling a slight tinge of defeat setting in. He never says sorry because there's nothing to be sorry about. He says what he says for a reason and stands by it. "I've just been really ticked off lately. Between Dee Dee's drug addiction and Tommy's self-righteousness... I shouldn't release all my venom on just you..."

Joey can't believe what he's hearing and when Johnny turns around to give him an apologetic half smile it's almost too good to be true. Johnny never admits defeat, especially not to someone weaker than him like Joey. His face is still cold and neutral as ever but there's a softness to it that Joey can barely make out in the darkness.

"I'm sorry about dropping your guitar," Joey apologizes as well, wrapping his long arms around himself out of habit, retreating back into his shell. "It really was an accident."

"I'm sure it's fine," Johnny dismisses shortly with a wave of his hand, letting his shoulders slump just a little.

They stand there for a moment too long in silence and Johnny bites the inside of his cheek as he stares expectantly at Joey, as if it's up to the singer to continue their conversation. Joey turns his head to the side, hiding his face like he always does when he's nervous, and Johnny consciously follows the movement with his head as if trying to look at him face to face.

"Why do you do that?" Johnny asks frustrated, moving in front of Joey every time he tries to shy away.

"Do what?"

"Shut people out..." Johnny yanks away one of Joey's arms, gripping his wrist tightly to restrict his movement. "You always hide from them and never give them a chance to know you."

"I gave you a chance to know me..." Joey mumbles solemnly, letting Johnny handle him roughly "...and you hate me."

Johnny opens his mouth to come back with a retort but his vocal chords seize up and all that's left is a frustrated sigh. Johnny loosens his grip around Joey's thin wrist but not enough to entirely let him go. He still has guitar in one hand but despite the obvious advantage Joey has Johnny has to wonder how someone of Joey's stature can be so weak and powerless.

"You should stand up for yourself more instead of letting people walk all over you. Including me," Johnny tells him as softly as he can. He slightly pulls Joey towards him a little more and it's almost by accident. "Be more assertive. You shouldn't care what people think about you so much."

"You don't exactly make it easy..." Joey says, looking down at Johnny through his shades.

"Stop taking shit from me. People respect it more when you stand up for what you believe in."

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?" Joey questions despite himself, regretting for even saying it as it tumbles out awkwardly.

"This is me being nice?" Johnny smirks, scoffing at Joey's definition of nice.

"You're holding my hand," Joey points out with a shy smile, blushing behind his hair.

Johnny looks down at where his hand is clasped in Joey's thin one and sure enough they're holding hands. Somehow Joey's long fingers were wrapped around Johnny's strong hand hardened from extensive guitar play and Johnny couldn't remember doing it. Must've been out of reflex for... some reason...

His eyes have adjusted to the darkness of the back alley and he can hear another band setting up for a show from inside the club. Johnny looks back down at their joined hands and then to his guitar. The air between them feels different, still tense, but with a tension neither of them are familiar with. Joey's hand feels cold and frail and Johnny is afraid that if he squeezes too tight those long but graceful fingers will shatter.

"I'm sorry," Johnny says for the second time that night, and meaning it. He lets go of Joey's hand before he can destroy anything else with his callousness. He quickly changes the subject. "I think Tommy might be leaving soon."

"Yeah..." Joey agrees, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Guess it's mostly my fault," Johnny comments with a heavy sigh. Johnny starts to walk through the alleyway and Joey follows him, taking the hint as an invitation. "Wouldn't be surprised if Dee Dee wanted to go too. Christ knows why you hang on."

"It's all I care about," Joey shrugs simply, declaring his love and respect for their chemically screwed up band.

Out on the main street the asphalt and sidewalk are wet from a recent rain, reflecting the fluorescents, greens, and reds of the lights around them as they walk side by side. There's a quiet calmness in the air and it's almost enough to make Johnny appreciate everything around him.

Johnny swings his guitar back and forth by his side as he watches the puddles ripple beneath his feet, occasionally bumping arms with Joey. The invasion of space is oddly welcomed and perhaps Johnny doesn't really hate Joey all that much after all. Perhaps he just doesn't understand him well enough yet.

Then again, Johnny loves The Ramones and Joey is a part of that.


End file.
